Why don’t people understand? (triggery)

I have spent the past two days arguing with someone as to why the question “Do you have kids yet?” bothers me. I spend my days at work fending off this question from complete strangers. The guy I’ve been arguing with said I shouldn’t get offended at this, and that my response of “No, unfortunately, we’ve been trying for two years” is uncalled for because it’s rude.

Rude? I’M RUDE? These people are complete strangers to me. They ask me if I’m married , and then automatically assume that I should have children. When I used to just say “No we don’t” I got more questions – and personally I don’t believe it’s any of their damned business why I don’t. I mean, if they REALLY want to hear about all the testing we’ve been through, the heartbreak every month when AF shows up, the fear that I will never ever be able to have children and be a failure…I can tell them. But they don’t – they’re asking because it’s small talk. And I understand that. But I also think I have the right to be upset about it…not at them, I never let them know, but at the world for doing this. And it’s more their reactions that upset me – I can only handle being told to relax, I’m trying too hard, it’ll happen so many times. And the pity in their eyes – I don’t need their pity. If they’re going to pity me I’d rather have money so I can go do IUI.

I did some research for this guy. He says infertility affects a tiny percentage of people. In my state alone there will be an average of 139,326 who suffer from infertility during their lifetime. 139,326! I knew it was a problem – but just think of that number. That’s almost my entire city! What a way to put it in perspective. To REALLY put it in perspective: 29,365,540 people in the United State will suffer from it at some point in their lives. If there were that many people getting cancer in their lifetime you know something would be being done about it. And yet insurance won’t cover us.

I compared the two. There will be an estimated 1,399,790 new cancer cases this year. It would take 21 years at that rate to match infertility – and yet we aren’t covered. How the hell does this work again?

Alright…I’m totally upsetting myself. I’m going to go for now, try to calm down.

Leave a comment


  1. Anonymous

     /  May 23, 2006

    You know what I would say to strangers when they ask that questiong “Ah, do you really want a truthful answer to that question or are you making small talk. Cause we can be here for hours.”I think that would work.

  2. amber

     /  May 23, 2006

    Rude??? No way… if they were thoughtless enough to ask then they can stand the answer. Simple as that. Besides, who gives a crap if someone thinks your response is rude?!? It’s the truth. (((((((HUGS))))))) I’m telling ya, you’re gonna get your bean… I don’t know how I know this but I do. It WILL happen!!!!

  3. Thanks hun. You’ve been a constant source of support for me since I’ve known you. 🙂 Thank you for all your encouragement!


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