Unglued and milestones

I figured I probably better update on everything going on for the past month. My last post was that the Boy had rolled back to front. That night we also put him in the crib for the night for the first time. The next day he was sick – as in “throwing up 9 times in 7 /12 hours” sick. I called the on-call people, who told me to give him pedialyte and no formula for 24 hours. Seemed to have done the trick because he wasn’t sick the next day.

I caught myself going “maybe it was the crib” and “maybe I shouldn’t put him in there” and all sorts of other dire things. I realized I was being neurotic, so back into the crib the child went on Sunday night. (Saturday night I kept him in the bassinet that we still haven’t taken down, just so I was near.) He’s been in the crib every night since and most of the time he sleeps through the night. On occasion he will wake up at 3-4am, and I always know when it’s going to happen – it’s the nights that he doesn’t go to sleep right after eating because he’s fighting it and it takes us an hour to get him down. Those are the nights that I know I’m going to get woken up for a feed. Our main problem these days is getting him to sleep without being in the swing first. He’ll fall asleep during that last feed, but the instant you put him in the crib he wakes up and hasn’t figured out how to put himself back to sleep yet. So we bring him out, put him in the swing and once he’s asleep again, move him to the crib. Again. Now, MOST of the time that works…but there are other times where he wakes up as soon as he touches the crib, even after the swing. Those are the nights that take an hour to get him down, because we repeat the swing scenario until it works. Which it will, eventually.

He should be crawling before long, I think. He’s sort of doing it now – he pushes with his legs and scoots around, but he doesn’t actually crawl. No using his arms or anything. In the PNP the child damn near does headstands! He gets his head in the corner while he’s on his tummy and just pushes with his legs, which does nothing but push his little butt up in to the air! I have a feeling I’m going to miss his first crawl. Why? Because I decided to go back to school and he spends M/W at Wilma’s place until about 1:00 when I get out of class. T/Th my MIL comes over and watches him until either I get out of class (Tuesdays) or Aaron gets home (Thursdays). Aaron has class on Tuesday evenings too and gets out about the same time I do.

As for the coming unglued, it involves the MIL. Is anyone really surprised? When we first found out we were pregnant, I told her that no one was allowed to hold or be around the Boy if they’d been smoking…and I meant it, and she knew I did. She completely quit just before he was born…and then her dad died and she started up again. She’ll use any excuse, I swear to God. Not that her dad dying wasn’t stressful, and I know that smokers (or previously smokers) will smoke (or start to again) in periods of high stress. That was almost 5 months ago, and she hasn’t stopped again. And? I can no longer forbid her from being around him. Why? Because I decided to go back to school. I *need* her to watch him twice a week while I’m in classes. The university has a child care program, but it has an almost year-long waiting list most of the time. Which means I *might* get him in next fall, if I’m lucky. I don’t want to impose on Wilma any more than I have to, and we can’t afford regular day care, so I’m relying on the MIL to watch him for me. And that, my friends, leaves me no legs to stand on. I’m in a corner with no way out until May when school ends for the year…at least until next fall, when I hope that I get into the child care.

I told Aaron that she’d smoke at the house because I couldn’t stop her and I was right. When we BOUGHT the house from them, I ordered them outside to smoke, and they complied. Until one day, when I was in the front room, I could smell smoke through the vents. I walked very quietly from the front to the back and caught her smoking in her chair. She apologized and went on and on, not that I believed her for one instant. Today I stepped on a cigarette butt in the pantry. We have only one friend who smokes, and he voluntarily smokes outside (no matter where he is) and I’m assuming he tosses the butts in our outside garbage. Or maybe he puts them in his pockets and throws them away at home – I don’t know and I don’t care. He doesn’t hold my son, so he can do whatever the hell he wants. Am I wrong to be pissed about this? She and I have had MANY discussions about her smoking while we were trying to get pregnant. I tried and tried to tell her how much she was hurting OUR reproductive health, since she doesn’t appear to give a rats’ ass about her own. She wanted a grandchild, but refused to stop smoking to help us. And now that we have her long-awaited grandchild? She refuses to stop smoking for HIS health. I don’t understand and I doubt I ever will. If anyone has suggestions, I’m open to them. For now, I’m going to go do something that will hopefully calm me down before I throw something.

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  1. Jess

     /  August 29, 2011

    So nice of your MIL to be so considerate. :p I'd tell her off and yet, like you said, you can barely STOP her. Will your husband talk to her about it maybe, more sternly than before?

    Sigh. Family is so much fun.

  2. Cathy

     /  August 29, 2011

    I'd NOT deal with it yourself – I'd leave it to your husband.

    My mom is exactly the same, minus the smoking IN our house. I think you/he should be able to set the rule that there is NO smoking in your house and expect that to be respected. Our speech went something like “we understand that you choose to smoke, but this is our home and there is to be no smoking inside of it” – and it's never been a problem.

    I think BEYOND that, the tactic to take is that she has to KNOW smoking isn't good (after all, she did try to quit), so the only other thing you can stop is no smoking in front of the baby because you (and SHE) should not want him to see it.

    I know it's hard when you need her to help out, but I still think it's reasonable to set those two boundaries … and then beyond that you may have to accept that she does smoke and won't be quitting.


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