Scary health shit

Because, you know, I needed more things to worry about. I needed another cancer scare, because we’ve gone a few years without one. And of course, it couldn’t be one for me. No, it had to be my husband. And the reason I am writing it now that we have something of an answer is BECAUSE it’s him and not me. I didn’t want to overstep. It’s not my story, it’s not my health. He needed to write about it, tell about it, before I felt like I could. I wanted to flee here, get the support, but I couldn’t (he didn’t say I couldn’t, I just couldn’t bring myself to). I DID get permission to call my best friend, who promptly told me it was probably nothing and I was all worried for nada. 🙂 Sometimes she knows just what I need to hear to bring me back down.

Here’s what’s going on: Last Thursday he started feeling some discomfort in his left testicle. He had a vasectomy last May and feels discomfort from time to time – it’s apparently normal for most guys – so he just didn’t worry about it. It didn’t get better over the weekend – it actually got worse. While he was home on Tuesday and I was at class, he decided to examine the area to see if he could figure out what was causing the pain. Lo and behold, he found a lump. He messaged me about 30 seconds later, I promptly freaked out. He was shaken, something that doesn’t happen often. He’s of the “worry about it when we know what to worry about” variety, whereas I am of the “freak the fuck out and then figure out what to do about it” variety. (You can see evidence of that on the blog I was writing while dealing with mom’s cancer – every new thing sent me into a tailspin until I could focus.) Anyways, he called the doc and the soonest they could get him in was today. Our doc is gone on Wednesdays and Aaron really wanted to see OUR doc – a comfort thing, and another way I knew he was shaken. He usually doesn’t care too much who he sees.

Doc performed one of the most painful exams Aaron has ever had, in his own words. Doc diagnoses is epididymitis. Infection, nothing more. Antibiotics for 2 weeks to clear it up. He doesn’t think it’s “bad players” (see: cancer) because of the time frame. I, unfortunately, remain unconvinced. You’d think I’d be happy to hear “the chances of it being testicular cancer are really low”, and I am, but…until it clears up, the pain and the lump all go away, I won’t be convinced. I can’t. I can’t relax and say “Oh see, it’s all okay. Just an infection. Woo!”, because what if it’s NOT? What if it doesn’t go away in a few weeks and we have to do ultrasounds and tests and surgery? I can’t be on that yo-yo. I find it easier to stay stressed (mildly at this point, but still stressed) until I know.

So that’s where we stand. Meds, wait, and see. If it doesn’t go away, you know I’ll be back here freaking out again. Thank you for listening. I just needed to be heard.

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3 Comments

  1. Sounds like it’s nothing, but I can’t blame you for being worried about the very small chance that it isn’t. But still… it’s nothing. Try to relax. Don’t borrow trouble. It never gives good rates.

    *hugs*

    Reply
  2. I’m sorry, how nerve wracking. 😦

    Reply
  3. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who does a full body freak out over these things.

    Reply

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