The post that insists on being written

I have tried repeatedly to write about the surgery and how it went, but every time I start trying, this post tries to write itself instead. After nearly two weeks, I am giving up and writing the thing.

I am angry. I am angry and I am frustrated. I am angry and I am frustrated and I am disappointed. With whom, you might ask. Well…with you, my readers. (If you follow me on FB or twitter, you are most likely exempt from this as you keep in contact with me other ways than here.) Now you’re probably wondering “Why is she angry and frustrated with US?” I am so glad you asked. I will be glad to answer that question for you.
Nearly a month ago, I posted about a fire that was coming dangerously close to my hometown and thus my only living parent. I was scared to little pieces. The day I wrote it, it received 6 views. It’s received several views since that day, even as recently as Sunday. Do you know how many comments I got? NONE. I posted pictures, no comments.

On the 15th, I posted about all the things going on with us, the upcoming surgery, my fears. Lots of views…and 3 comments, all from people who follow me elsewhere, for whom this information was not particularly news but they cared enough to comment anyways. On the 19th, I posted more about his upcoming surgery. Again…views, no comments.

People, these things were IMPORTANT. They were major things going on with me…and the only people who commented were ones who already knew the information. (Don’t get me wrong – I’m VERY happy that you three commented because…you care. You love me. You wanted me to know you were there with me.) None of the rest of you who looked here could be bothered to even leave a hug when I was worried and scared. I went through the Boy’s surgery thinking that, aside from the 3, no one else cared. My information wasn’t posted to the LFCA – most of the time when it is, it’s because *I* sent it. I hate doing that, just like I hate writing this post, because it makes me feel like an attention whore. But…it’s not about the attention. It’s about knowing people CARE. I assume you care because you read me, but maybe you don’t. Maybe you’re reading from your reader and you just click the post to make it go away, because you haven’t bothered to thin out your reader of the blogs you no longer really care about. Maybe you just think I’m a drama queen and just read for the amusement factor.

The fact remains that this blog RARELY, in it’s whole history, ever receives comments and I’m so very very tired of it. I’ve been blogging for 6 years. SIX. You’d think I’d have built a steady readership by now, but I haven’t. It’s stayed small, and that would be perfectly okay, if I felt like anyone who read CARED. You cared when I worried about not being cut out for being a parent. You cared more when I BECAME pregnant…and then it slowly died off again. Barely half of my posts in the life of this blog have comments, and many of those are from back in the day when Mel had dedicated “clickers” for blogs. Mel has mentioned repeatedly that “comments are the new hugs”. Even if it’s just leaving a “hug” or a “Man, that sucks” or “Sounds like things are going well!”, it’s a hug. It doesn’t have to be long, it doesn’t have to be deep and insightful. Really. Often all I’m able to leave on a post is “sending you hugs!” because I don’t know what else to say – but I was THERE, and the writer should know that.

So yes. I’m angry. It’s been two weeks since his surgery and not a single person has inquired as to how it went, if everything is okay, how we/he is doing. No one. Is it any wonder I haven’t updated? No one cares. The post WILL get written, because I want it for my own records, but I’m beginning to wonder why I keep blogging.

 

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11 Comments

  1. Sigh. I know I don’t “count” but … it sucks when it feels like no one cares. And I’m sorry you’ve been feeling that way. My FEELING is that comments in general have gone down as reading on devices has gone up .. but like you’ve said, it’s been that way here for forever. So I don’t know.

    Reply
  2. Sorry you are feeling like this! I’ve also blogged for almost 6 years and very rarely ever get comments (I’ve moved blogs once so maybe that’s why??). I read both your previous posts but from my iphone which for some reason doesn’t let me comment.

    How did the surgery go??? and the fires???

    Reply
    • I tried to follow your name to your blog, but the one your name is connected to doesn’t exist, it says. Leave me your link and I will come read you! I like to try and read my readers, when I know who they are.

      Reply
  3. I feel the frustration of minimal comments compared to views and I admit I’m bad about about it. But, honestly, most of my blog reading these days is on my reader app on my phone, where it’s super hard to comment with my jacked up phone browser. So, I do care, I promise! πŸ™‚ And one day I’ll have more me time and will do more from the computer.

    Reply
  4. I suck at posting. I read, I care. But usually I don’t feel like I have anything worth saying.

    I’m sorry you’ve felt abandoned. I’ll try to do better by you.

    Reply
  5. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I very rarely have comments, so I sort of understand, though I’m certainly not posting about anything important, generally.

    I know I’m part of the problem; I’m terrible at leaving comments. Even when I have the time to (rarely), coming up with what to say is difficult. And I know even just one word means a lot, but I commented once upon a time on one of Mel’s posts about commenting – I don’t know why, I just can’t do that. I find it really hard to. If I’m going to leave a comment, it needs to be an in-depth one.

    Anyway, reason, not excuse, but since going full-time, I’ve been insanely swamped. I’ve often had to mark everything read in my reader, so I had missed some of the posts you referenced. I’m so sorry that all of this really heavy stuff has been going on, without you feeling supported. 😦

    Reply
  6. I’m sorry. You are an incredible person, and I deeply value every word you say. Please forgive me for being too wrapped up in my own problems. I know you deserve love and support as much as anyone, and more than most, and I’m sorry.

    Reply
  7. I’m sorry you feel this way 😦 I’m another phone reader, and it’s a pain to fight the mobile comments box. And it sounds bad writing this, but I always assume silence means everything is okay– that you would post if something went bad. I know that’s not always true, but for our blog cohort, it seems to be the norm.

    Reply
  8. Jen

     /  September 9, 2012

    I’m mostly on Facebook (as you know) and often end up just giving up on my Google Reader and declaring blog amnesty lately. Sorry you’ve felt unsupported :(. I noticed after I went private my comments dwindled to almost nothing, and when I popped back up, I get a few, but nothing like I used to.

    Reply
  9. Unfortunately blogging has gone the way of email. It has become a little bit of a relic. It is great to get your feelings and thoughts out but I’m finding that many people just don’t care enough to comment. It gets frustrating, trust me. But after I had given up on blogging for a while, I still had the desire for my voice to be heard. I still longed to speak out for and against the things that I felt were important. I stopped caring whether or not I got comments and started writing for me and no one else. I’ve gotten maybe three comments. It’s okay I don’t mind any more. Even if no one comments I have my own little corner of cyberspace where I can speak my mind. If you look at Dan’s other blogs from http://www.danoah.com you’ll see he has some tips and tricks about blogging. Some of them only apply if you are on a self-hosted blog and not on blogger, wordpress.com, etc. but the principles still apply nicely. I know this will seem weird but if you really want to make this your own then I would recommend the self-hosted blog. If you need help setting it up or have questions I’d be more than happy to help. I love to help.

    Reply
  10. Sorry I don’t mean to hog your blog, but I wanted to say one more thing. If you decide on a self-hosted blog there are LOTS of cool things you can do to it that you can’t do on here. It is really fun to be able to completely customize your blog and make it exactly how you would like.

    Reply

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