Hearing test

The Boy had his hearing test yesterday, to see if he would pass now that he had the tubes in and the fluid out. Yeah, not so much. He borderline failed it. He can obviously hear – he responds to noises, he can hear whispers now, he dances to music more than he did even a few weeks ago. He’s even experimenting with new sounds of late, and volume. But he failed the test. We had an appt with the surgeon immediately after, so he checked the tubes to make sure they were clear. No blockages, everything looks good. We are supposed to retest in January, just before school starts up again. At least I’ll have my schedule? Because if he’s not talking by then, we start discussing speech therapy.

I posted this sort of update on FB yesterday and OMG, I am going to end up unfriending someone in a few days. Not just for her response to this but because it’s not the first time. Or the second. Or even the fourth. Her first comment to this was relatively innocuous, one I can easily blow off as sheer ignorance and the fact that she’s probably in her 50s and lives in another country:

“Its very early to expect him to be talking. Its normally age 2 plus.”

I responded to her that At this age he should have AT LEAST 5 words in his vocabulary. He has one, and only because we were able to physically teach him how to say it. And that? Was just a sound, not really a “word” except that “mama” is a word…but everything was “mamamamamamamamama”, so more a sound and not a word. That’s gotten better. But he SHOULD be talking at this point, at least somewhat. Her response is what pissed me off:

“say’s who,they all developed at different rates,my youngest grandaughter talked much faster than her two siblings ,they are all bright kids though .”

To me,  she just implied that I think my son is less than intelligent because he doesn’t talk yet. Really? When I’m constantly bragging (I admit it!) about how smart this child is, how ahead of the curve on most things? And I think my son less than really, really smart?

I responded with “Says doctors. Says the APA (American Pediatrics Association). There are developmental milestones, everything from gross and fine motor control, to how they play with toys, how they eat, and how they talk. The Boy is either on par or ahead in every area EXCEPT language…and it has nothing to do with how bright he is, nor did I ever say that. There is a reason he isn’t talking yet – his palate was screwed up and he couldn’t hear properly. Both of those things are now relatively fixed and he should be talking soon. If, however, he is not talking by January, then it’s time to look into something like speech therapy for him. He WILL talk, he WILL catch up, but I’d rather he learned how to do so correctly from the start than to have to correct years of incorrect language skills. That’s much harder to do. I know, I’ve done it.”

And I have. Aaron and I both had speech therapy as kids. It’s no big deal. But I was older – 7? 8? somewhere in there, and I think he was too. I would FAR rather correct it NOW than have to correct it later. Thankfully several friends jumped in with their experiences and thoughts, essentially backing me up, and I am very grateful to them for that (you know who you are!).  But this woman…her last offense before this one was when the Boy got rotavirus back in May. She was like “They have a vaccine for that” and upon being told that he was current on all his vaccines, proceeded to say “He would’ent get it if he’d had it ,would he.:/” Really? Blame ME because my son got a virus, when vaccines aren’t 100% effective to start with? Viruses mutate. Thankfully friends once again jumped in to defend me and tell her how wrong she was. Same conversation she decided I was too hard on my diaper bags because I’ve gone through so many, because HER daughter only used 2 for her 3 babies. Well…things are crap now, and they break very easily and/or don’t hold much.

And it’s just…there’s more. I’ve given her a lot of leeway because yes, she’s of a different generation and yes, she’s in a different country and different countries have different cultures and ideas on things. But I feel like she’s constantly judging me and I warned people in May that the next person to judge me or even hint at judging me was getting removed. I don’t need help wondering if I’m a good parent, if I’m doing enough, if something is my fault, if I didn’t pay attention. I question my parenting capabilities every day. I feel guilty as a parent every day for some of my behaviors. I don’t need help. I don’t unfriend people easily or willy-nilly either, I’m just…done.

Now…off to call the surgeon and see if they can get us in today instead of Friday. The Boy has removed his splints twice already this morning!

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  1. That’s just the kind of one-upping, I’m right/you’re wrong person that my BIL divorced a couple years ago. Ugh!!

    You’re right about the speech therapy, my brother didn’t get started until he was 7 or 8 as well, and you’d have been hard pressed to notice a difference until he worked more by himself in high school.

    Is it possible the hearing test was just too soon, and he’s still adjusting? There has been quite a lot going on for y’all.

    And Leah figured out how to make diaper bags last forever…just ‘forget’ it for daycare, for visitation, for surgery…yeah.

    • I try hard not to engage in mom-petition with other moms. I don’t want people judging me, I try not to judge others. You going to judge me, I’m going to boot you! 😀

      It IS possible, which is why they will retest in January and discuss it then. I think think was just a “test” test, to see how much he’d improved and if the tubes were doing the trick. And he HAS improved, just not enough for their test.

  2. I’m all for unfriending people like that really. They have nothing productive to add to the conversation. If she had said it about a kid who had perfect hearing … fine. Some kids start talking later and whatever, it’s fine. (Like, seriously, I have one, he started way late, he has everything working against him, and yet he speaks very clearly and complexly and it’s FINE.) But a kid who fails hearing tests? You need to stay on top of that. By the time you’re 5, the language acquisition window is closing, and you can’t acquire what you can’t hear.

    I remember the rota and diaper bag stuff too. She’s just an idiot. Unfriend away!

    • I’m glad to have an “outside” opinion on the matter. You’ve seen what she’s written, so you know where I’m coming from. I KNOW I have a tendency to make “mountains out of molehills” as mom used to tell me, so I don’t always trust my own judgment!

  3. I’d defriend her, if I felt like I was constantly being judged. Bummer on him (basically) failing the hearing test, but hopefully you’ll now have a better starting place to work from in figuring out where to go from here.

    • I’m really hoping he’ll start talking by Thanksgiving! That was my reasonable (I thought…) goal initially, and I had a dream last night that he was, so maybe? Then again, I had a dream the other night that he climbed out of his crib and wandered the house so let’s hope they aren’t prophetic!!

  4. I thought it looked like she was annoying you. If she’s not a close friend or someone it’s important to have a relationship with, feel free to unfriend. The last thing you need it more people making this process more upsetting for you.

    • She’s not, at all. She’s someone I met through a fibro group on FB that I no longer have contact with. I’ve hesitated for so long because she’s sent Cole gifts…from the UK. That’s…you know…not cheap. So I’ve been willing to let a lot slide but I think I’ve reached the end of my rope! Very glad I am to see a consensus!


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