FIL is gone

I had to say it. I had to say “please let him hang on until the end of the semester so my husband doesn’t end up with so many things on his plate”. Karma was just lurking – she does that. A real bitch, that one.

So yes. We went out to them yesterday when Aaron got off work. Just as we were getting into town, we got a call that they were releasing him from the ER. His stats were back up where they should be, so they couldn’t force him to stay and he wanted to go home. We eventually got him to the car and home. He took his time getting out of the car and into the wheelchair, which Aaron wheeled into the house. FIL sat down in the closest chair to the door, which was his computer chair, to catch his breath. We all turned our backs for a minute or two to finish getting the wheelchair into the house, me keeping the dogs out of the way, etc. We heard him start to breathe very…strangely. I can’t even begin to describe the sound, but I imagine it’s what the death rattle sounds like. Everyone started to say “are you okay?” and I, who was sitting in a chair and couldn’t see him, heard him start to fall and told Aaron to catch him. Aaron dived and lowered his dad to the floor, but I’m pretty certain he was already gone. Poor husband had to do CPR on his dad while the neighbor lady called 911 and his mom became utterly (and understandably) hysterical. The neighbor’s husband is a part-time policeman and is CPR trained, so he came running and took over. Aaron dragged his mom into the kitchen to get her away and give the other man room to work. I think we all knew it was over, but it had to be done. After what seemed to be an eternity but was probably only 5 minutes or so, if that, more police arrived to take over and then the EMT’s arrived. They worked on him all the way to the hospital – I say “all the way” but it’s only about a 5 minute drive – and in the ER. They called it at 7:45.

I spent the time after they let us officially know making the calls – Aaron’s oldest sister and his youngest sister’s husband, MIL’s oldest sister, her best friend, and most of our friends. Today is spent trying to track down paperwork, making decisions, and deciding if we are attending classes or work at all. Aaron gets 5 days paid, and if the funeral isn’t until Monday, he’ll run out of that time. If, however, he goes to work a few days, he might be able to stretch that out. I do not know if it has to be in one chunk or not, though, and it’s all very wonky. My dad has offered to stay until Thursday and then come back on Saturday if we need them – M has two appts on Friday, so they have to be home for those – and I’m very glad of this. Not sure if I’ll take them up on it or not, because I CAN still take the Boy to daycare and it might do Aaron some good to have some time completely alone. No child to be noisy, no wife to bother him, no FIL of his own to hide his grief from.

Oh peeps, this is harder than I thought it would be. Mom…mom already had all her decisions made. Everything was in place, all we had to do was start the process with a call. FIL and MIL have done NOTHING…and I don’t understand that. It’s not like this was unexpected or quick in the coming. They had plenty of time to get things in place so that all THEY had to do was make the call. It made things so very much easier. I hope that if I have to take a long time, like my mom or FIL, that I have the foresight to plan everything out myself and save my family the pain of having to do it.

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  1. If there’s anything I can offer besides more words from afar, please let me know.

  2. Oh hon, I’m so sorry. I know you’ve got a rough road ahead with no plans having been made. I’m here if you need to vent because its too much. *hugs*

    • I will, I promise. I’ve already managed to snap at my husband today, making me feel utterly like crap, so I have a feeling I will be taking advantage of the offer. 🙂

  3. I’m sorry.

    But, you know? I know it would have been nice to have him for longer, but I’m not sure that grief is more stressful than a lingering death. Once it’s over, you can get on with the business of coping. Until then, you’re dreading every ring of the phone, wondering if today is the day.

    So I’m sorry, but I hope this brings peace.

    • I do understand where you are coming from and I do agree, to an extent. I would just really rather that Aaron didn’t have to deal with his mom, his sisters, his own grief, school, work, and parenting. It feels like too much to me. I worry about him.


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