At this time I am walking a delicate balance. Every semester I reach close to this point, feeling like I’m walking a knife’s edge between becoming completely unhinged and being able to keep it together long enough to end the semester. This semester seems worse, maybe because it’s my last semester. I have 37 days until graduation. I have five research papers, a presentation, and a project to do in that time.
Today I picked up my cap and gown and recorded my shout-out that will be played as my family and friends walk into the auditorium (really, arena).
Today it became that much clearer just how close I am to graduating and being done.
Today, for the first time all semester, my stress hit the highest point that it’s been since August and I was actually jittery – something that signals the beginning of a pattern.
Today I managed to piss off my internship professor so much that it appears she is just done with me, which is fine because I’m done with her and I have email record that she says I’ve done enough work to pass the class. She is, however, the director of my program so I’m hoping that it doesn’t bite me in the ass. Can she actually withhold my degree just because she doesn’t like me?
I walk a knife’s edge and I am trying not to fall off. I want to bury my head in the sand and just play video games all day but that isn’t an option. I have too much to do and not enough time but I have to try. I feel like I am angry all the time and I know it’s just a result of the stress, or at least I hope it is, but that doesn’t make it easier. I am on the knife’s edge between completely losing my shit and being okay. It won’t take much for me to fall off. Let’s hope there’s no wind.